var mess = new Array ('Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "every man for himself" and the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up.', 'Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.', 'I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like victory.', 'Freddy, what I\'m saying is: know your limitations. You are a moron.', 'If you can\'t leave in a taxi you can leave in a huff. If that\'s too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff.', 'I wanted to meet interesting and stimulating people of an ancient culture, and kill them.', ' - We grow copious amounts of Ganja, yea?
- ...Yea
- And you are carrying a wasted girl and a bag of fertiliser. You don\'t look like your average horti-fucking-culturalist.', 'And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy".', 'Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help! I\'m being repressed!', 'He is not the Messiah - he is a very naughty boy!', 'I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.', 'Yes. Shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. My name is Roger the Shrubber. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.', 'Oh, for goodness\' sakes, get down off that crucifix. Someone needs the wood.', ' - Who are you? I must know.
- Get used to disappointment.', ' - You seem a decent fellow: I hate to kill you.
- You seem a decent fellow: I hate to die.', 'A census-taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.', 'Cunnilinigus and psychiatry brought us to this...', '- So, do you think Ralph has a problem with women?
- Well, I don\'t know, Tony... I mean, he did beat one to death.', 'I\'ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too! ', ' - Give it a chance. It\'s got to warm up.
- Warm up? We may as well sit around a cigarette.', 'I can never touch meat until it\'s cooked. As a youth, I used to weep in butcher shops.', 'I think the carrot infinitely more fascinating than the rose. The carrot has mystery - flowers are essentially tarts: prostitutes for the bees.', 'Speed is like a dozen transatlantic flights without ever getting off the plane. Time change. You lose. You gain.', 'There is, you will agree, a certain "je ne sais quoi," something very special about a firm, young carrot.', ' - His mechanism\'s gone. He\'s had more drugs than you\'ve had hot dinners.
- I\'m not having this shag-sack insulting me. Let him get his drugs out.', 'I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.', 'I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.', 'Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I am not sure about the former.', 'The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. ', 'The pioneers of a warless world are the children who refuse to do military service.', 'The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.', 'Mascara bleeds a blackened tear. And I am cold, yes I\'m cold, but not as cold as you are. I love the sound of you walking away, you walking away. ', 'Its always better on holiday - that\'s why we only work when we need the money.', 'I don\'t see any god up here...', 'The stab of stilettos on a silent night. Stalin smiles and Hitler laughs. Churchill claps Mao Tse-Tung on the back. ', 'We only said goodbye in words. I died a hundred times. You go back to her and I go back to black.', ' - All I\'ve ever wanted to do with my life is right.
- Maybe you should learn how to spell "write" first...', ' - I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so I can get boobs.
- But you need boobs to get one in the first place.', ' - Oh my God! I just threw up all over my boyfriend\'s mother.
- Well, you told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.', ' - So, how was the meal with the ex-wife?
- Just like the company: cold, fatty, and expensive.', ' - The last 3 guys I hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a \"Magic, the Gathering\" player...I need a type...
- You have one: your type is ready and willing.', ' - There\'s a guy sleeping next to me and I am wearing 8 t-shirts! What happened last night - and can you come and get me?
- I can\'t: think I\'m in the room next door...', 'I admire a man who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey.', 'I am sat in a paddling pool, high, with a beer in arms reach. If I had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever.', 'I have created a new tequila drink! It is a mixture of excitement and fear, distilled in innocent people.', ' - I just saw that we talked for 3 minutes last night. What about?
- It was pretty standard.
- What exactly does "pretty standard" mean?
- Typical: hot then cold, followed by a death threat.', 'I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don\'t want to miss this unique opportunity...', 'I never had a man I enjoyed more than a good steak.', 'My lawyer just watched my DUI video. he said that, of the thousand or so he\'s seen, mine was easily one in the top ten best.', 'Born and raised by those who praise control of population. And everybody\'s been there and I don\'t mean no vacation.', 'I heard your voice through a photograph. I thought it up and brought up the past...but once you know, you can never go back. I gotta take it on the other side.', 'Pour my life into a paper cup. The ashtray\'s full and I am spilling my guts. She wants to know: am I still a slut? I gotta take it on the other side.', 'Scar tissue that I wish you saw. Sarcasm, Mr know-it-all. Close your eyes and I\'ll kiss you \'cos with the birds I\'ll share this lonely view. ', 'Generally speaking, you aren\'t learning much when your lips are moving.', 'Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.', 'Many a man thinks he is buying pleasure, when he is really selling himself to it.', 'Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.', 'It\'s not denial - I\'m just selective about the reality I accept.', 'Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it\'s easy - you simply look under the kilt, and if it\'s a quarter-pounder, you know it\'s a McDonald\'s.', 'The great thing about Glasgow is that if there is a nuclear attack it\'ll look exactly the same afterwards.', 'There are many here among us who think life is but a joke. But you and I, we\'ve been through that; this is not our fate. Let us not speak falsely now, the hour\'s getting late.', 'See the stone set in your eyes, see the thorn twist in your side. I wait for you. Sleight of hand and twist of fate, on a bed of nails she makes me wait - and I wait...without you.', 'I know a girl with a hole in her heart. She said infinity\'s a great place to start. She said "time is irrelevant, it’s not linear". Then she put her tongue in my ear, oh yea.', 'Drag acts, drug acts, suicides, in your dad\'s suit you hide, staining his name again. Cracked up, stacked up, twenty-two, psycho for sex and glue - lost it to Bostik, yeah.', 'Sold the car and quit the job, shook some hands and wiped the make-up right off. Said our goodbyes to the bank, left Seven Sisters for a room in a seaside shack.', 'Maybe were just Streatham trash, and maybe not. maybe we\'re just capital flash in a stupid love. But we are young and not tired of it, we are young and easily lead by all the kids getting out of our head.', 'Oh, Class A, Class B... is that the only chemistry between us?', 'Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight. Gotta kick at the darkness \'til it bleeds daylight.', 'Don\'t the hours grow shorter as the days go by? You never get to stop and open your eyes. One day you\'re waiting for the sky to fall, and the next you\'re dazzled by the beauty of it all.', 'My parents only had one argument in forty-five years. It lasted forty-three years.', 'The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn\'t exist.', 'Denial is a common tactic that substitutes deliberate ignorance for thoughtful planning.', 'It\'s easy to distract fat people. It\'s a piece of cake.', 'The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.', 'Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.', 'It\'s 6 o\'clock, on the dot and I am half way home. I feel foul-mouthed as I stand and wait for the under ground, and a nervous disposition doesn\'t agree with this. I need something to remind me that there is something else.', 'And you have not really stayed in touch: well I knew as much, it\'s no surprise that today I get up around two with nothing to do except get a touch of ‘flu.', 'So far I\'ve not really stayed in touch: well you knew as much, it\'s no surprise that today I\'ll get up around two, from a lack of anything to do.', 'In hotel cells, listening to dial tones, remote controls and cable moans. In his drink he\'s talking. Gets disconnected sleep-walking back home.', 'It\'s a sorry state you\'re getting in: the same excuse is wearing thin. There\'s no self-control left in me. What was not will never will be.', 'He\'s reading Balzac and knocking back the Prozac. It\'s a helping hand that makes you feel wonderfully bland. ', 'We all say "don\'t want to be alone", we wear the same clothes \'cause we feel the same. We kiss with dry lips when we say goodnight. End of a century... oh, it\'s nothing special.', 'Moscow\'s still red, the young man\'s dead, gone to heaven instead. The evening news says he was confused.', 'The motorways will all merge soon, lottery winner buys the moon, they\'ve come to save us, the space invaders are here.', 'And into the sea goes pretty England and me, \'round the Bay of Biscay and back for tea. Hit traffic on the Dogger Bank, up the Thames to find a taxi rank. Sail on by with the tide and go to sleep.', 'Saturday\'s locked away on the pier: not fast enough, dear. And on the Malin Head, Blackpool looks blue and red. And the Queen, she\'s gone round the bend: jumped off Land\'s End.', 'In a crowd it\'s hard to spot him, but anonymity can cost. He\'s never cheap or cheerful: he\'s Hugo and he\'s Boss.', 'I\'d love to stay here and be normal but its just so overrated.', 'I\'m a country boy, I got no soul, don\'t sleep at night, the world\'s growin\' old. I lost my girl to the Rolling Stones, I lost my girl to the Rolling Stones.', 'There is a very thin line between "hobby" and "mental illness".', 'If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved - and never will achieve - its full potential, that word would be "meetings".', 'People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.', 'A soldier with a broken arm fixed his stare to the wheels of a Cadillac. A cop knelt and kissed the feet of a priest, and a queer threw up at the sight of that.', 'I think I saw you in an ice-cream parlour, drinking milk shakes cold and long. Smiling and waving and looking so fine - don\'t think you knew you were in this song.', 'News guy wept and told us Earth was really dying. Cried so much his face was wet, then I knew: he was not lying.', 'Day after day, they take some brain away, they turn my face around, to the far side of town and tell me that it\'s real, and ask me how I feel.', 'Don\'t set me free, I\'m as helpless as can be. My libido\'s split on me. Give me some good ole\' lobotomy. \'Cos I\'d rather stay here with all the madmen.', 'Well the bitter comes out better on a stolen guitar, you\'re the blessed, we\'re the Spiders from Mars.', 'Put on your red shoes and dance the blues, to the song they\'re playing on the radio.', 'I care for no-one else but you, I\'d tear my soul to cease the pain... I think maybe you feel the same. What can we do? ', 'Touch, we touched the very soul, of holding each and every life. We claimed the very source of joy ran through - it didn\'t - but it seemed that way. I kissed a lot of people that day.', 'Away they soared, climbing through the ivory vibrant cloud. Someone passed some bliss among the crowd and we walked back to the road, unchained.', 'The Children of the summer\'s end gathered in the dampened grass. We played our songs and felt the London sky resting on our hands: It was God\'s land. It was ragged and naïve, it was Heaven.', 'I am your rubber peacock angelic whore.', 'You\'re not alone, no matter what or who you\'ve been, no matter when or where you\'ve seen. All the knives seem to lacerate your brain, I\'ve had my share: I\'ll help you with the pain.', 'You\'re too old to lose it, too young to choose it and the clock waits patiently on your song. You walk past the café but you don\'t eat when you\'ve lived too long.', 'New words: a love so strong it tears their hearts to sleep through the fleeting hours of morning.', 'Stone love: she kneels before the grave, a brave son, who gave his life to save the slogan that hovers between the headstone and her eyes, for they penetrate her grieving.', 'Then the loud sound did seem to fade, came back like a slow voice on a wave of phase: that weren\'t no DJ, that was hazy cosmic jive.', 'Oh no, not me: I never lost control. You\'re face to face with the man who sold the world.', 'Time: He flexes like a whore, falls wanking to the floor. His trick is you and me, boy.', 'He could lick \'em by smiling. He could leave \'em to hang. Came on so loaded man, well hung and snow white tan.', 'Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.', 'Hills of forest green where the mountains touch the sky. A dream come true, I\'ll live there \'til I die. I\'m asking you to say my last goodbye: the love we knew ain\'t worth another try.', 'I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don\'t know the answer.', 'I do like the French...but they can be kind of... French.', 'There\'s a huge hole in the whole Flood drama, because anything that could float or swim got away scot-free - and it was the idea to wipe out everything. He didn\'t say, "I will kill everything except the floating ones and the swimming ones, who will get out due to a loophole". ', 'Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They\'re just pretty people singing music written by other people.', 'I am a professional transvestite, so I can run about in heels and not fall over. Because if a woman falls over wearing heels, that\'s embarrassing - but if a bloke falls over wearing heels, you have to kill yourself. It\'s the end of your life.', 'Hitler ended up in a ditch, covered in petrol, on fire. So, that\'s fun. I think that\'s funny - because he was a mass-murdering fuckhead. As many important historians have noted. ', 'Queen Victoria, one of our more frumpy Queens. They\'re all frumpy, aren\'t they? Because it\'s a bad idea when cousins marry. ', 'Makeup\'s just crazy, anyways. Native Americans used to wear it, and it did all right for them until...er, well, until you killed them all, I suppose.', 'So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years - and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised. A little naïve, I feel!', 'Poetry is very similar to music, only with less notes and more words.', 'So, I have learned that the world is 4,500 million years old. If you\'re very religious, then it\'s not 4,500 million years old, it\'s 6,000 years old. One of these is not correct.', 'Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss of kids with dyslexia. This is true, they proved this one. The word \'dyslexia\' was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.', 'The monarchy system has gradually, over time, fallen apart. In Britain, it has stayed together, while falling apart at the same time.', 'I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.', 'Jesus I think did exist and he was a guy who had interesting ideas in the Gandhi, Nelson Mandela-type area. You know, relaxed and groovy, and the Romans thought, \"Relaxed and groovy?! No, no, no!\" So they murdered him.', 'Guns don\'t kill people, people kill people - and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).', 'I feel sorry for people who don\'t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that\'s as good as they are going to feel all day.', 'Christianity gave Eros poison to drink; he did not die of it but degenerated into vice.', 'Where the chaos meets order, usually chaos wins, because it is better organised.', 'There is not sufficient love and goodness in the world to permit us to give some of it away to imaginary beings.', 'A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love.', 'A subject for a great poet would be God\'s boredom after the seventh day of creation.', 'All truth is simple... is that not doubly a lie?', 'Faith: not wanting to know what is true.', 'Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.', 'To predict the behaviour of ordinary people in advance, you only have to assume that they will always try to escape a disagreeable situation with the smallest possible expenditure of intelligence.', 'À l\'eau, c\'est l\'heure!', 'Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.', 'Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few.', 'There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart\'s desire. The other is to get it.', 'I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.', 'The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.', 'I am not criticising you. I\'m just saying you look bad.', 'It\'s a recession when your neighbour loses his job; it\'s a depression when you lose yours.', 'The absence of flaw in beauty is itself a flaw.', 'Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.', 'I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up: they have no holidays.', 'Of all men\'s miseries, the bitterest is this: to know so much and have control over nothing.', 'Every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and I forgot how to drive?', 'Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It\'s what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.', 'A word to the wise is infuriating. ', 'America: a nation of two hundred million used-car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns, and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.', 'For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled.', 'Going to trial with a lawyer who considers your whole life-style a crime-in-progress is not a happy prospect. ', 'I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours.', 'In a closed society where everybody\'s guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity. ', 'There is nothing more helpless and irresponsible than a man in the depths of an ether binge.', 'When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.', 'I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they\'ve always worked for me...', 'You can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug, especially when its waving a razor-sharp hunting knife in your eye.', 'My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.', 'Nothing encourages creativity like the chance to fall flat on one\'s face.', 'You say you\'ve got to go home. Well at least there\'s someone there that you can turn to. And you never have to face up to the night on your own. Sometimes it must be great, to be straight.', 'You say you\'ve never been sure, though it makes good sense for you to live together. Still you\'ve bought a toy that can reach the places he never goes. And now it\'s getting late. It\'s so straight.', 'I spy a boy and I spy a girl. I spy the worst place in the world - in the whole, wide world. Oh, you didn\'t do bad: you made it out. I\'m still stuck here - oh, but I\'ll get out: oh yeah, I\'ll get out!', 'And you want to call your mother and say "mother: I can never come home again, \'cos I seem to have left an important part of my brain somewhere, somewhere in a field in Hampshire."', 'It is difficult to live without opium after having known it because it is difficult, after knowing opium, to take Earth seriously. And unless one is a saint, it is difficult to live without taking Earth seriously.', 'Si vous dormez, et si vous rêvez, acceptez tes rêves. C\'est le rôle du dormeur.', 'This is the end, my only friend, the end. It hurts to set you free, but you\'ll never follow me. The end of laughter and soft lies. The end of nights we tried to die. This is the end.', 'I believe in a long, prolonged, derangement of the senses in order to obtain the unknown.', 'Your ballroom days are over, baby: night is drawing near. Shadows of the evening crawl across the years.', 'Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.', 'When we can no longer blame things on liquor, or war\'s reaction, we may begin to suspect that human nature itself is a little faulty.', 'Imagine there is no Heaven; it\'s easy if you try. No Hell below us, above us, only sky. Imagine all the people, living for today. ', 'Imagine there\'s no countries; it isnt hard to do. Nothing to kill or die for, and no religion too. Imagine all the people, living life in peace. ', 'Success and failure are both difficult to endure. Along with success comes drugs, divorce, fornication, bullying, travel, meditation, medication, depression, neurosis and suicide. With failure comes failure.', 'Operationally, God is beginning to resemble not a ruler but the last fading smile of a cosmic Cheshire cat.', 'The reason cats climb is so that they can look down on almost every other animal...its also the reason they hate birds.', 'Let me be clear about this: I don\'t have a drug problem; I have a police problem.', 'In view of the fact that God limited the intelligence of man, it seems unfair that he did not also limit his stupidity.', 'Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.', 'And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.', 'The man in the crowd with the multicoloured mirrors on his hobnail boots. Lying with his eyes while his hands are busy working overtime.', 'I read the news today: oh boy: four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire. And though the holes were rather small, they had to count them all. Now they know how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall.', 'Reality is a crutch for people who can\'t cope with drugs.', 'There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL.', 'I don\'t use drugs: my dreams are frightening enough.', 'It\'s not the men in my life that counts - it\'s the life in my men.', 'When choosing between two evils, I always like to pick the one I never tried before.', 'I cannot teach you violence, as I do not myself believe in it. I can only teach you not to bow your heads before anyone even at the cost of your life.', 'Victory attained by violence is tantamount to a defeat, for it is momentary.', 'An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.', 'What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?', 'Usually, when people are sad, they don\'t do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change.', 'Don\'t care if my liver is hanging by a thread. Don\'t care if my doctor says I ought to be dead. If my ugly big car won\'t climb this hill, I\'ll write a suicide note on a hundred dollar bill.', 'A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.', 'Don\'t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.', 'I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.', 'In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.', 'Loyalty to a petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.', '"In God We Trust"... I don\'t believe it would sound any better if it were true.', 'Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.', 'When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.', 'I have a right to my anger, and I don\'t want anybody telling me I shouldn\'t be, that it\'s not nice to be, and that something\'s wrong with me, because I get angry.', 'I see the girls walk by, dressed in their summer clothes. I have to turn my head until my darkness goes.', 'I see a line of cars and they\'re all painted black. With flowers and my love, both never to come back. ', 'I see my red door and I want it painted black. Maybe then I\'ll fade away and not have to face the facts. It\'s not easy facing up when your whole world is black.', 'No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue. I could not foresee this thing happening to you. If I look hard enough into the setting sun, my love will laugh with me before the morning comes.', 'I’ll tell you what’s wrong with you… your heads addled with novels and poems. You come home every evening reeking of Chateau le Tour.', 'Oh Lord please don\'t burn us, don\'t kill or toast your flock, don\'t put us on the barbecue or simmer us in stock. Don\'t bake or baste or boil us or stir-fry us in a wok.', 'Your highness, when I said that you are like a stream of bat piss, I only mean that you shine out like a shaft of gold when all around it is dark.', 'No man can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which one may be true.', 'They ask me if I feel remorse and I answer, "Why of course! There is so much more I could have done if they\'d let me! So it\'s Rorschach and Prozac and everything is groovy!', 'A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.', 'Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. ', 'Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.', 'I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world.', 'I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability.', 'Imagination is a quality given a man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humour was provided to console him for what he is.', 'Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.', 'Anybody can be good in the country. There are no temptations there.', 'A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything but the value of nothing.', 'Biography lends to death a new terror. ', 'Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people, by the people, for the people.', 'I am so clever that sometimes I don\'t understand a single word of what I am saying.', 'I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train.', 'It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.', 'Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.', 'There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing.', 'To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.', 'We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.', 'Make a joke and I will sigh and you will laugh and I will cry. Happiness I cannot feel and love to me is so unreal', 'If you lend someone £10 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.', 'And the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls, and tenement halls, and whispered in the sounds of silence.', 'When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, "Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe?"', 'Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies.', 'I am a deeply religious non-believer. This is a somewhat new kind of religion.', 'And as we wind on down the road, our shadows taller than our soul, there walks a lady we all know who shines white light and wants to show how everything still turns to gold.', 'We\'re just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year. Running over the same old ground, what have we found? The same old fears. I wish you were here.', 'Ah, yes: divorce. From the Latin word meaning to rip out a man\'s genitals through his wallet.', ' The problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.', 'I don\'t do drugs. I am drugs.', 'Don\'t talk to me about naval tradition. It\'s nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash.', 'I have always felt that a politician is to be judged by the animosity he excites among his opponents.', 'I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.', 'Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.', 'Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.', 'The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.', 'We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out.', 'We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.', 'Fields of fire that passed the train. The sky is victorious but here comes the rain. Friday is taking me home again, and I\'ve nothing but you on my mind.', 'Life\'s a riot a lover a friend. Pity the day that it has to end. Friday, come speed me home again. I\'ve nothing but you on my mind.', 'Sometimes I feel like I\'m fine on my own, fifty thousand miles from home. Sometimes I\'m weak and the past is my guide. Summer returns and puts you back on my mind.', 'Sometimes I feel like I\'m glad to be free, sometimes I still want your arms around me. Sometimes I\'m glad to have left you behind. This crazy English Summer has put you back on my mind.', 'Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships.', ' - Um, I hate to interrupt your longevity treatment, sir, but there\'s a sweet little boy at the door.
- Release the hounds.', 'All I ask is the chance to prove that money can\'t make me happy.', 'Kittens are born with their eyes shut. They open them in about six days, take a look around, then close them again for the better part of their lives.', 'I\'d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.', 'If God dropped acid, would he see people?', 'I guess you\'d call it suicide, but I\'m too full to swallow my pride. I can\'t stand losing.', 'Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life.', 'Its relentless, invisible, indefatigable, indisputable, undeniable - so how come it looks so beautiful, how come it merely falls from the sky?', 'In the next world war, in a jacknifed juggernaught, I am born again. In the neon sign, scrolling up and down, I am born again. In a deep sleep of the innocent, I am born again.', 'I don\'t care if it hurts. I want to have control. I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul.', 'When you were here before, couldn\'t look you in the eye. You\'re just like an angel. Your skin makes me cry. You float like a feather, in a beautiful world.', 'Riot shields, Voodoo economics, it\'s just business. Cattle prods and the IMF. I trust I can rely on your vote.', 'Two jumps in a week; I bet you think that\'s pretty clever, don\'t you boy? Flying on your motorcycle, watching all the ground beneath your drop. You\'d kill yourself for recognition, kill yourself to never ever stop.', 'I never really got there, I just pretended that I had. Words are blunt instruments, words are a sawn-off shotgun.', 'Karma police arrest this man, he talks in maths, he buzzes like a fridge, he\'s like a detuned radio.', 'A heart that\'s full up like a land-fill, a job that slowly kills you. Bruises that won\'t heal. You look so tired, unhappy. Bring down the government: they don\'t speak for us.', 'Ambition makes you look pretty ugly - kicking, squealing, Gucci little piggy.', 'That\'s it, sir, you\'re leaving. The crackle of pig skin, the dust and the screaming. The yuppies networking. The panic, the vomit - the panic, the vomit. God loves his children. God loves his children, yeah!', 'I\'d tell all my friends but they\'d never believe me: they\'d think that I\'d finally lost it completely. I\'d show them the stars and the meaning of life. They\'d shut me away, but I\'d be alright.', 'I need to wash myself again to hide all the dirt and pain but I\'d be scared that there\'s nothing underneath. And who are my real friends? Have they all got the bends - am I really sinking this low?', 'I wish it was the sixties, I wish we could be happy, I wish, I wish, I wish that something would happen.', 'He was sick of his clock stopping. "Wind it up," that girl said sleeping next to him. The watch stopped, the battery\'s run down. He started his broken sentence, "no alarms..."', 'Do not bite at the bait of pleasure till you know there is no hook beneath it.', 'All drugs of any interest to any moderately intelligent person in America are now illegal.', 'I believe that sex is the most beautiful, natural, and wholesome thing that money can buy.', 'A closed mouth gathers no foot. ', 'Ideas don\'t stay in some minds very long because they don\'t like solitary confinement.', 'Honi soit qui mal y pense.', 'Mourn the losses, for they are many; but celebrate the victories, for they are few.', 'Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.', 'Your mama is so fat, when she sings, its over. ', 'It takes years to build up trust, but it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.', 'Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. ', 'I once spent a year in Philadelphia. I think it was on a Sunday.', 'Aristotle was famous for knowing everything. He taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons.', 'Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.', 'If it turns out that there is a God, I don\'t think that he\'s evil: the worst that you can say about him is that basically, he\'s an underachiever.', 'To you I\'m an atheist; to God, I\'m the Loyal Opposition.', 'Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman.', 'More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.', 'Sex is like bridge: If you don\'t have a good partner, you better have a good hand.'); function writequotes() { var max = mess.length; var num = Math.floor((Math.random() * max)); document.getElementById("quotes").innerHTML = mess[num]; } writequotes(); setInterval("writequotes()",8000);